If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
