you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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