I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
