we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
