i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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