WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
