Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
