i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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