dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
