Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
