in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
