i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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