she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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