I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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