His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
