What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
