I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
