guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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