Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
