Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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