Whod you bang
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
