Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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