you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
