You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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