Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
