he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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