How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
