I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
