i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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