Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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