they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
