I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
