Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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