I'm lost and stupid without you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
