i already hear my dad disowning me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
