Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
