i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
