atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
