this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
