Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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