Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
