She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
