Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
