we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
