he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
