Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
