Tell her she can't have a vagina
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
