Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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