you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
