she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
