You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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