I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
