ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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