i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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