Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
