After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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