We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Little spoons don't ask big questions
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
