Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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