You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
