You can't motorboat a personality
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
