Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
