I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
