I smell stomach acid.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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