He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
