i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
