Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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