Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You just made me feel so damn special
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
