i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
